NOPE

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trisarahdactyl:

michaelceratops:

osointricate:

I wonder what President Lincoln would think about there being a movie about him killing vampires. 

“whats a movie”

#’fuck you im not going into another theater’

3 hours ago
148,694 notes
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wimptoad:

do your old fandoms ever just come back to you, and you remember how much you love one character, and your just like “I forgot about you for a while but I’m back and I love you too my beautiful baby.”

3 hours ago
33,868 notes
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jungtaekitten:

I wish I was pretty but like actually pretty, not “my friends and family think I’m pretty because they’re my friends and family” pretty

3 hours ago
253,374 notes
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zeeday:

timmypuddin:

*picks the hottest cashier at the grocery store*

image

3 hours ago
432,993 notes
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kaliforhnia:

Idk why I keep getting sad over people that don’t give a shit about me.

3 hours ago
295,246 notes
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gaysweaterclub:

me on tumblr

3 hours ago
108,555 notes
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TOP PLACES TO FIGHT

animesghost:

1. DENNY’S PARKING LOT

2. UNDER A BRIDGE

3. DOLLAR TREE

4. MOM’S GARAGE

5. IN A U-HAUL GOING 100 MPH 

3 hours ago
14,072 notes
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Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
Dad: Fuck the government.
Dad: Fuck the school board.
Dad: Close the door.
Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
Dad: I love puns.
Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
Dad: Please shut up.
Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
Dad: They act like I care what they think.
Dad: I hate homework.
Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.
3 hours ago
96,225 notes
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satans-advocate:

sext: i want to pay bills and share household duties and approach our late 20’s in a financially and emotionally stable way with you

3 hours ago
195,462 notes
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chauvinistsushi:

contraception:

the goal is to love myself so much it offends other people

image

4 hours ago
87,300 notes
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gayleaf:

victorias secret 

victorias rumour

victorias regret

:(

4 hours ago
148,761 notes
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wifigodz:

awkward in person, funny and social on the internet

4 hours ago
125,801 notes
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greenleefs:

life would be 99% better if the lord of the rings soundtrack played in the background

19 hours ago
16,057 notes
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2treehill:

there is no reason for someone to clap when they laugh at something

19 hours ago
9,887 notes
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lanadelreycist:

When you get called on to present in classimage

20 hours ago
98,021 notes